every sun--son?--of heaven
opens like a great blossom
each night,
ready to spill Your love.
their petals fall, kiss the ground
illuminating Your glory and
worshipping
the Divine Creativity.
light my soul on fire, that i may be
a sun--son?--to unfold like
a flower
and cast my petals.
amen
Friday, August 22, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
update de vie
so to make up for all the somewhat heavy posts i've been making on here, i thought a nice little update on what's going on in my life was due.
mom and dad came down to memphis last saturday to help me make the move from the apartment in carpenter to my new room in towers. while technically a move down, i feel really good about it--i've spent the morning today getting my stuff organized and arranged and i think it will work out nicely.
i have a really good feeling about living there this coming semester. we'll see what happens.
i only have one more night of duty as an ra--and two hours of check-in for the law school--and then i am done with this job. while it was definitely a Godsend, i think i am ready to be done. it will be nice to go to sleep when i want to, without the fear of getting a phonecall in the middle of the night to let someone into their apartment.
of course, this means i will need to start looking for a new job, probably somewhere on-campus. hopefully it won't be too hard to find something.
mom and dad left me the car when they came down so i will be able to drive myself home this wednesday. it's really nice to have a car, but--being used to making due without one--i really can't think of too many places to go.
c'est la vie.
anyway, i think this post was incredibly boring and probably not worth the time to read it, but i felt like writing and didn't have anything really worthwhile to say.
ciao.
mom and dad came down to memphis last saturday to help me make the move from the apartment in carpenter to my new room in towers. while technically a move down, i feel really good about it--i've spent the morning today getting my stuff organized and arranged and i think it will work out nicely.
i have a really good feeling about living there this coming semester. we'll see what happens.
i only have one more night of duty as an ra--and two hours of check-in for the law school--and then i am done with this job. while it was definitely a Godsend, i think i am ready to be done. it will be nice to go to sleep when i want to, without the fear of getting a phonecall in the middle of the night to let someone into their apartment.
of course, this means i will need to start looking for a new job, probably somewhere on-campus. hopefully it won't be too hard to find something.
mom and dad left me the car when they came down so i will be able to drive myself home this wednesday. it's really nice to have a car, but--being used to making due without one--i really can't think of too many places to go.
c'est la vie.
anyway, i think this post was incredibly boring and probably not worth the time to read it, but i felt like writing and didn't have anything really worthwhile to say.
ciao.
Monday, August 4, 2008
the cathedral of your soul
i once heard the human body described as a cathedral: beautiful, often ornate, but--chiefly--empty.
what fills the cathedral of the human heart?
Love.
or rather, that is how it should be.
too often, instead of allowing the Wind of love to blow freely through these lofty, inner spaces and refresh us (and through us, the world), we fill these halls with stuff.
clothes, shoes, computers, video games, music, friends, food . . . whatever the fashion of the day dictates.
because, as humans, we know we have these inner spaces. we know they were designed to be filled.
most of us just don't know with what.
so we may start with a television tucked unobtrusively in the corner. but it's impossible to stop there: before you know it, there's a stack of dvds a mile high and a mile wide blocking the windows and preventing the Wind of love--of God--from blowing through us.
sensing the empty space, the stillness in our soul, we just want more and more.
eventually, our heart becomes simultaneously full of stuff while lacking a single ounce of substance.
and, instead of feeling Love, we become inwardly unhappy--whether we realize it or not.
(i could go on and on about the problems that rise from this unhappiness--from depression to divorce--but i will allow you to draw those conclusions on your own.)
my point is this: clean yourself--your heart--out.
there is a reason Jesus' ministry was mobile: He was so full of Love, so blown with the Wind, that (i think) He was almost physically incapable of material possession--being instead compelled to spread the Love as far as He could.
"again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." -matthew 19:24
take only what you need and leave the rest.
close your eyes and imagine your inner cathedral (mine looks like the hagia sophia ;) ).
what do you see there?
mentally remove the junk. empty your heart out until there remains only you, alone in that cavernous and holy space, kneeling humbly at the altar.
stay there in that (mental) position of surrender until you can feel the gentle Breeze on your cheek. embrace it, listen to it. wait for it to grow to a deafening, howling Wind that you cannot ignore.
follow that Wind wherever it leads you, and there--in that journey--you will find true happiness . . . and true Love.
what fills the cathedral of the human heart?
Love.
or rather, that is how it should be.
too often, instead of allowing the Wind of love to blow freely through these lofty, inner spaces and refresh us (and through us, the world), we fill these halls with stuff.
clothes, shoes, computers, video games, music, friends, food . . . whatever the fashion of the day dictates.
because, as humans, we know we have these inner spaces. we know they were designed to be filled.
most of us just don't know with what.
so we may start with a television tucked unobtrusively in the corner. but it's impossible to stop there: before you know it, there's a stack of dvds a mile high and a mile wide blocking the windows and preventing the Wind of love--of God--from blowing through us.
sensing the empty space, the stillness in our soul, we just want more and more.
eventually, our heart becomes simultaneously full of stuff while lacking a single ounce of substance.
and, instead of feeling Love, we become inwardly unhappy--whether we realize it or not.
(i could go on and on about the problems that rise from this unhappiness--from depression to divorce--but i will allow you to draw those conclusions on your own.)
my point is this: clean yourself--your heart--out.
there is a reason Jesus' ministry was mobile: He was so full of Love, so blown with the Wind, that (i think) He was almost physically incapable of material possession--being instead compelled to spread the Love as far as He could.
"again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." -matthew 19:24
take only what you need and leave the rest.
close your eyes and imagine your inner cathedral (mine looks like the hagia sophia ;) ).
what do you see there?
mentally remove the junk. empty your heart out until there remains only you, alone in that cavernous and holy space, kneeling humbly at the altar.
stay there in that (mental) position of surrender until you can feel the gentle Breeze on your cheek. embrace it, listen to it. wait for it to grow to a deafening, howling Wind that you cannot ignore.
follow that Wind wherever it leads you, and there--in that journey--you will find true happiness . . . and true Love.
Friday, August 1, 2008
open mind, open ears
when we are certain of the way God is going to work, He will never work in that way anymore. -oswald chambers
God is in the everyday, but He is not in the routine. He can be found in the common things around you, but He is not common--because He will only appear in those things at the moment and in the way that you are least expecting.
people use the cliché "don't put God in a box" all the time, but do they ever really listen to themselves?
rarely.
i've found God's Voice in all sorts of places: from fortune cookies to (secular) songs on the radio. there is no end to the Divine Creativity when He wants to get a message across.
but i can assure you that the second you crack open that cookie or switch on that radio expecting to hear the Voice--you won't.
because it doesn't work that way.
don't be concerned with the way in which God will speak to you--leave that up to Him.
instead, talk to Him with faith that He will answer and when He does--through whatever means--your heart will know that you have heard the Voice.
all you have to do is pay attention.
and don't put God in a box. ;)
God is in the everyday, but He is not in the routine. He can be found in the common things around you, but He is not common--because He will only appear in those things at the moment and in the way that you are least expecting.
people use the cliché "don't put God in a box" all the time, but do they ever really listen to themselves?
rarely.
i've found God's Voice in all sorts of places: from fortune cookies to (secular) songs on the radio. there is no end to the Divine Creativity when He wants to get a message across.
but i can assure you that the second you crack open that cookie or switch on that radio expecting to hear the Voice--you won't.
because it doesn't work that way.
don't be concerned with the way in which God will speak to you--leave that up to Him.
instead, talk to Him with faith that He will answer and when He does--through whatever means--your heart will know that you have heard the Voice.
all you have to do is pay attention.
and don't put God in a box. ;)
Thursday, July 31, 2008
old story, new perspective
i've been reading a lot of books by paulo coelho recently. if you haven't heard of him, you should check him out; he's a brazilian author whose books deal with a lot of spirituality.
and his work has really helped to change my perspective on things.
most recently regarding the story of nicodemus.
while reading the zahir, the most recent coelho addition to my collection, something about that story finally clicked and i was able to see it in a new light. or rather, have the idea of "rebirth" explained from a different point of view.
an excerpt:
"do you believe that your past loves have taught you to love better?"
"they've taught me to know what i want."
"i didn't ask that. have your past loves taught you to love your husband better?"
"no, on the contrary. in order to surrender myself to him, i had to forget all the scars left by other men. is that what you mean?"
"in order for the true energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be as if you had just been born."
reading through this dialogue between two characters in the novel, the story of nicodemus popped into my head. i don't know if that was the author's intention or not (i would venture to guess no), but that was the immediate mental jump for me the second i read that last sentence.
coelho, through one of his characters, goes on to discuss at length how in order to truly experience love, it is necessary to forget our past--all the scars, failures, disappointments . . . and even the good things--and focus our energies solely on the present.
is this the process Jesus sat up speaking to nicodemus about until the wee hours of the morning? i don't think that's an unreasonable idea. hearing the story as a child i always thought nicodemus had to be pretty dense not to understand what Jesus was talking about as the sunday school teacher explained it to me: to be reborn is simply to ask Jesus into your heart.
that doesn't seem too difficult.
certainly something that a teacher of the Law could wrap his mind around.
but, as with many things Jesus tried to explain, i don't think it was that cut-and-dried.
hmm. there are words in my heart, but i just can't seem to transfer the exact idea in my head to here.
i guess the biggest thing that was impressed upon me as i thought over this today and that i would like to pass on is the idea of living in the present and forgetting the past--both good and bad.
that's the sort of "rebirth" that is a little difficult to fathom.
the wind blows where it pleases, and you hear its sound, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going. so it is with everyone born of the Spirit. -john 3:8
the greek word, pnuema, that was here translated as "wind" could also be translated as spirit or Spirit (. . . or so say the notes at the bottom of the page in my Bible). now, i'm not a theologian and i haven't been to seminary, but try to stick with me here.
this passage about wind seems kind of random thrown in the middle of a passage about rebirth and the kingdom of God . . . so it has to be some sort of metaphor.
to me, in light of the new perspective granted by the zahir, it presents the idea of the importance of the present. you can hear the wind (an act in the present) but you don't know where it came from (past) or where it is going (future). the focus is on the here-and-now, and the here-and-now only.
you must free yourself of all the prejudices and mental souvenirs of the past.
you must free yourself of worry about the future.
you must exist only in the present and give yourself--your soul--over to Love. completely.
and through this--the embrace of Love and appreciation for now--you will experience a kind of "rebirth" for your soul.
yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. that's why it's called the present. -bil keane
and his work has really helped to change my perspective on things.
most recently regarding the story of nicodemus.
while reading the zahir, the most recent coelho addition to my collection, something about that story finally clicked and i was able to see it in a new light. or rather, have the idea of "rebirth" explained from a different point of view.
an excerpt:
"do you believe that your past loves have taught you to love better?"
"they've taught me to know what i want."
"i didn't ask that. have your past loves taught you to love your husband better?"
"no, on the contrary. in order to surrender myself to him, i had to forget all the scars left by other men. is that what you mean?"
"in order for the true energy of love to penetrate your soul, your soul must be as if you had just been born."
reading through this dialogue between two characters in the novel, the story of nicodemus popped into my head. i don't know if that was the author's intention or not (i would venture to guess no), but that was the immediate mental jump for me the second i read that last sentence.
coelho, through one of his characters, goes on to discuss at length how in order to truly experience love, it is necessary to forget our past--all the scars, failures, disappointments . . . and even the good things--and focus our energies solely on the present.
is this the process Jesus sat up speaking to nicodemus about until the wee hours of the morning? i don't think that's an unreasonable idea. hearing the story as a child i always thought nicodemus had to be pretty dense not to understand what Jesus was talking about as the sunday school teacher explained it to me: to be reborn is simply to ask Jesus into your heart.
that doesn't seem too difficult.
certainly something that a teacher of the Law could wrap his mind around.
but, as with many things Jesus tried to explain, i don't think it was that cut-and-dried.
hmm. there are words in my heart, but i just can't seem to transfer the exact idea in my head to here.
i guess the biggest thing that was impressed upon me as i thought over this today and that i would like to pass on is the idea of living in the present and forgetting the past--both good and bad.
that's the sort of "rebirth" that is a little difficult to fathom.
the wind blows where it pleases, and you hear its sound, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going. so it is with everyone born of the Spirit. -john 3:8
the greek word, pnuema, that was here translated as "wind" could also be translated as spirit or Spirit (. . . or so say the notes at the bottom of the page in my Bible). now, i'm not a theologian and i haven't been to seminary, but try to stick with me here.
this passage about wind seems kind of random thrown in the middle of a passage about rebirth and the kingdom of God . . . so it has to be some sort of metaphor.
to me, in light of the new perspective granted by the zahir, it presents the idea of the importance of the present. you can hear the wind (an act in the present) but you don't know where it came from (past) or where it is going (future). the focus is on the here-and-now, and the here-and-now only.
you must free yourself of all the prejudices and mental souvenirs of the past.
you must free yourself of worry about the future.
you must exist only in the present and give yourself--your soul--over to Love. completely.
and through this--the embrace of Love and appreciation for now--you will experience a kind of "rebirth" for your soul.
yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift. that's why it's called the present. -bil keane
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
the disturbing disappearance of faith
"Abram believed the LORD and it was credited to him as righteousness." Genesis 15:6
i've found that in today's world there is a disturbing lack of real faith in God.
and i don't just mean in the secular world, i mean in the church.
let me ask you this:
which do you place your faith in: God or the scriptures?
yes, i realize these often overlap. and yes, i agree that scripture is the word of God. but it is the word of God spoken through certain men to specific people in specific places at specific times. it is enlightened and holy, but only in light of these facts.
in order to know the true will and Person of God, it is important to know the context of these--His--words. the God behind the words is more important than the words themselves.
but i'm afraid we're losing that.
and i would like to know when the church got off telling people that God can only make His will known through the written word.
for the duration of His earthly ministry, Jesus was continually praising children for their faith and instructing His disciples to be more like children in their thinking with regard to His teachings and the Law.
let me ask you this: can children read?
(especially in that day and age?)
. . . no.
so then, if children can find the will of God, then it has to be as apparent outside of the Bible as it is inside.
it has to be evident in His creation, in the world around us.
when Jesus wanted to confirm the plan of His Father before His death, did He roll open a torah scroll and read? no. He went to a garden. He immersed Himself in creation itself: the most evident of His Father's works, visible to everyone.
Jesus did this--withdrawing into nature--repeatedly through the course of His life, as did the prophets before Him, who received the word of the Lord in caves and on mountains as far back as moses and the forefathers. john the baptist even lived in the wilderness.
do you ever think how easy it must have been for abraham? imagine being able to listen to God without having to filter Him through 3,000 years of tradition and opinion. did he have a bible to read? no, but he had a heart willing to listen and obey. and he trusted so much in the Person of God that he was willing to sacrifice his son.
imagine being able to have that sort of blind faith and trust.
you can. just listen.
open your heart and mind to hear the Voice, and when you think you have heard God speak, then go to the Bible to see if what you heard lines up with the Person that the written words describe.
and in that way you will find the true will of God.
i've found that in today's world there is a disturbing lack of real faith in God.
and i don't just mean in the secular world, i mean in the church.
let me ask you this:
which do you place your faith in: God or the scriptures?
yes, i realize these often overlap. and yes, i agree that scripture is the word of God. but it is the word of God spoken through certain men to specific people in specific places at specific times. it is enlightened and holy, but only in light of these facts.
in order to know the true will and Person of God, it is important to know the context of these--His--words. the God behind the words is more important than the words themselves.
but i'm afraid we're losing that.
and i would like to know when the church got off telling people that God can only make His will known through the written word.
for the duration of His earthly ministry, Jesus was continually praising children for their faith and instructing His disciples to be more like children in their thinking with regard to His teachings and the Law.
let me ask you this: can children read?
(especially in that day and age?)
. . . no.
so then, if children can find the will of God, then it has to be as apparent outside of the Bible as it is inside.
it has to be evident in His creation, in the world around us.
when Jesus wanted to confirm the plan of His Father before His death, did He roll open a torah scroll and read? no. He went to a garden. He immersed Himself in creation itself: the most evident of His Father's works, visible to everyone.
Jesus did this--withdrawing into nature--repeatedly through the course of His life, as did the prophets before Him, who received the word of the Lord in caves and on mountains as far back as moses and the forefathers. john the baptist even lived in the wilderness.
do you ever think how easy it must have been for abraham? imagine being able to listen to God without having to filter Him through 3,000 years of tradition and opinion. did he have a bible to read? no, but he had a heart willing to listen and obey. and he trusted so much in the Person of God that he was willing to sacrifice his son.
imagine being able to have that sort of blind faith and trust.
you can. just listen.
open your heart and mind to hear the Voice, and when you think you have heard God speak, then go to the Bible to see if what you heard lines up with the Person that the written words describe.
and in that way you will find the true will of God.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
distractions
do you ever wonder if all the things we have are only distractions?
take your ipod, for example.
i mean, i love mine to death . . . i can just put the earbuds in any time and boom! i'm listening to my favorite tunes.
however, by the same act, i'm missing out on everything that is happening around me . . . i'm unable to hear the voice of the world.
the voice of God.
i sometimes felt that my parents were needlessly strict and "stuck in the stone age" when i was growing up. i wasn't allowed a television in my room, was only allowed to spend thirty minutes on the computer each day, and didn't receive a cellphone until last year.
now, looking back on it, i'm glad.
and i know that, while i may not have enjoyed it at the time, it served a purpose.
that time helped me learn to hear the Voice. and, spending nights in my room writing in my journals or reading by candlelight, i was able to cultivate a much closer relationship to the world around me--and God--than most people that i can think of. my imagination was free to soar, uninterrupted by text messages or distracted by mind-numbing tv shows.
unfortunately, now that i live away from home and HAVE a television in my room and HAVE a laptop i can take wherever, whenever i feel like i've lost that connection. i feel like i've taken that relationship i am supposed to have to the world around me and replaced it with a connection to the virtual world--which, while entertaining, is not nearly as fulfilling.
do you really think society is that much more advanced that it was 100 years ago? 500? 1,000?
or have we just found more ways to distract ourselves from our true purpose?
i think miracles don't happen anymore because people stopped believing that they were possible.
i think your childhood dreams only become impossible when you decide they are.
i think most people never realize their potential.
so turn off the television and go for a walk. leave the ipod and cellphone at home, and just listen: there's a great big world out there with things to teach you. if you don't hear anything the first time, that's okay. try it again. it could take some time for you to get plugged back into the world around you.
i think people have lost touch with their natural place in the world--it's more than just a place for you to live and work. it's more than just a resource for your exploitation.
it's an adventure.
as children we understand that adventure and live in contact with our imagination--nothing is impossible.
we often forget our purpose and lose that optimism as we get older. we come to accept what we are given without asking for more; or we greedily ask for all the wrong things. either way we are cheating ourselves, unable to fill the hole in our hearts--either by denying its existence or trying to fill it with shovel-fulls of the wrong things.
maybe that's why Jesus said His kingdom was for the children.
maybe that's why Jesus said it would be easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.
there's a Voice calling to you, just be quiet enough to hear.
and never settle.
take your ipod, for example.
i mean, i love mine to death . . . i can just put the earbuds in any time and boom! i'm listening to my favorite tunes.
however, by the same act, i'm missing out on everything that is happening around me . . . i'm unable to hear the voice of the world.
the voice of God.
i sometimes felt that my parents were needlessly strict and "stuck in the stone age" when i was growing up. i wasn't allowed a television in my room, was only allowed to spend thirty minutes on the computer each day, and didn't receive a cellphone until last year.
now, looking back on it, i'm glad.
and i know that, while i may not have enjoyed it at the time, it served a purpose.
that time helped me learn to hear the Voice. and, spending nights in my room writing in my journals or reading by candlelight, i was able to cultivate a much closer relationship to the world around me--and God--than most people that i can think of. my imagination was free to soar, uninterrupted by text messages or distracted by mind-numbing tv shows.
unfortunately, now that i live away from home and HAVE a television in my room and HAVE a laptop i can take wherever, whenever i feel like i've lost that connection. i feel like i've taken that relationship i am supposed to have to the world around me and replaced it with a connection to the virtual world--which, while entertaining, is not nearly as fulfilling.
do you really think society is that much more advanced that it was 100 years ago? 500? 1,000?
or have we just found more ways to distract ourselves from our true purpose?
i think miracles don't happen anymore because people stopped believing that they were possible.
i think your childhood dreams only become impossible when you decide they are.
i think most people never realize their potential.
so turn off the television and go for a walk. leave the ipod and cellphone at home, and just listen: there's a great big world out there with things to teach you. if you don't hear anything the first time, that's okay. try it again. it could take some time for you to get plugged back into the world around you.
i think people have lost touch with their natural place in the world--it's more than just a place for you to live and work. it's more than just a resource for your exploitation.
it's an adventure.
as children we understand that adventure and live in contact with our imagination--nothing is impossible.
we often forget our purpose and lose that optimism as we get older. we come to accept what we are given without asking for more; or we greedily ask for all the wrong things. either way we are cheating ourselves, unable to fill the hole in our hearts--either by denying its existence or trying to fill it with shovel-fulls of the wrong things.
maybe that's why Jesus said His kingdom was for the children.
maybe that's why Jesus said it would be easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.
there's a Voice calling to you, just be quiet enough to hear.
and never settle.
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