a conversation with God

on my way home from a walk, a beautiful sight caught my attention.

my eyes saw the brilliant green of leaves illuminated against the night sky by the white light of a street lamp.

my heart saw God smiling.

i knew He was up to something.

yet still i climbed the stairs, tired, and crawled into bed--choosing to read a few poems from a book before sleeping.

this Line jumped out at me from a page: "wayfarer, now is no time to sit still."

my heart knew i had to go back out, but my mind fought it. however, eventually, i allowed my heart to win out and put my clothes back on.

outside, with earbuds in, i heard my name.

confused, i turned. an acquaintance.

"you'll never hear the Voice of God like that," she warned.

it took me a moment to recognize those words: words i had penned down myself. words about being plugged into nature instead of plugged in to me.

she smiled: "i read that one."

chit-chat, then i moved on.

"she has a good point, you know," a Voice in my head.

"yes, she does."

"you made that point."

"i suppose technically You did."

"you're right, I did. but I chose you as the messenger for My words." God paused. "you didn't think anyone read that, did you?"

"no, i suppose i really didn't."

"she did; and so did others. for all your whining and complaining that no one ever listens to you, you have quite a large audience. you should learn to appreciate what I've given you."

"but i really don't feel like anyone is listening to me."

"do you write only for recognition from others? for feelings? that is not the reason I have allowed you to hear Me. those around you aren't listening to your words, but to Mine."

i knew this fact, had had it explained to me a million times, yet somehow managed to keep forgetting.

"i'm sorry--i'll try to do better."

i had reached the same place i remembered from before--green leaves dancing in the light and wind.

and i could tell that God was smiling once more as He walked along beside me.

"brian, there is a lot in the world that you will never understand, much that you will never know. your task is to live in total abandon, total obedience to Me. did I not tell you to keep from worrying? have I not been putting things into place? have you not seen Me in the things around you? I'm even in the leaves, for goodness' sake!"

"i know, i really do. i've seen You all around me, but sometimes it is hard to step back and let You run things. i like to have things under control."

"and that is why I need you. do you not know how I work? I choose the least likely person for each task and use them to complete it--the proud teach humility and the meek become the brave. I don't speak to you because you have some talent . . . I speak to you because you have none, and it is only in the moments when you acknowledge that fact that I do come to you."

while He spoke a fox crossed the road and the excess water from the sprinklers gurgled across the sidewalk. i adjusted my steps to avoid crushing a bug.

everything in the world was in harmony and i was nothing more than another drop in the bucket.

i really am nothing, i thought.

"now you begin to understand," God said with that familiar twinkle in His eyes. "now go home and get some rest, you have a busy day tomorrow."

this time it was my turn to smile.

"thank You," i said to the Leaves, then walked home.