Dear Anonymous,

It is not amusing to pull the fire alarm and evacuate the building in the middle of the night during finals.

Certainly not twice.

So, whoever you are, I hope you're on videotape. I hope they catch you and do things to you that would make the guys at Guantanamo blush. I hope you fail your finals.

Rawr.

Brian is not happy when he's awake and doesn't want to be.

Pray I never find you.

Yours truly,

An (Awake and) Annoyed Resident of Richardson Towers South

My dearest lover,

I wanted to remind you

of my virulent love:


Laughing merrily,

you have no idea how many hours I spent

Poking the night's velvet full of countless twinkling pinholes,

Skipping golden continents across the churning still oceans

into each other,

Building up mountains brick by brick,

and holding My lamp high over all things

green and beautiful.


I gave you life to cherish and love

to shelter,

but you would rather take My

words, dripping from poets' lips,

and bend them into books

full of arcane rules and argue over

whose is most beautiful.


Lover?


Look up

into My eyes

and tell Me that you love Me, too


--it's been such a long time.

Ain't that just how life goes?

As it turns out,

what I thought

was the smell of skunk

tracked in by a dirty roommate

was really the scent

of my leftover couscous

rotting in a bowl

by the sink.


Ain't that just how life goes?


Sometimes God ain't got no mercy.

Note to a Friend

Last night as I lay in bed trying to sleep,

God whispered your name in my ear

So I quietly whispered it back

With a little prayer attached.


I hope all is well.

Ah, School . . .

So I received an email from my Political Science professor a couple days ago saying that he wouldn't be able to make it to class today.

Because he was going to Cancun.

However, he said that he had gotten an important and interesting speaker to take his place for the day. He said the speaker would be taking role, so it was of utmost importance that we attend class.

Who was this speaker?

A movie.

And not even a documentary about international relations. Just one of his favorite movies.

Oh, and he lied about the attendance sheet. He just handed the movie to one of the guys who is also in another of his classes.

I, to put it mildly, was a little miffed.

Especially since I'm sick and have about a million other things to do.

Like my 15-page English paper.

Or my 8-page Anthropology paper.

Or my 10-page History paper.

Or the presentation I have to put together for his class.

It is very hard to take a class seriously when the professor doesn't, especially when you have a million other things to do.

This semester is the worst so far.

Hearing and Listening

I found Him sitting on an old tree stump spitting wisdom on people too smart to want knowledge.

Crossing my legs, I sat on the grass to listen as the Teacher spoke from His seat.

"Many hear, but few truly listen," He was explaining.

"Everyone has veils between their ears and My Message. Veils of experience or opinion, tradition or belief. They cannot listen to what I say; they can only hear My words through those veils and interpret them.

"These interpretations, My friends, are the source of all arrogance, pride, and war.

"Cast aside the veils and your illusions of self; join Me here and know Peace.

"Look around yourselves and know this secret: there is nothing wicked in this world but your perception of it."

Hmm.

Sitting on an old tree stump, Jesus sounds like Buddha.

Mary of Magdala

On a walk through town, God pointed to a whore and said He wanted to be her Lover.

"Do You know what she does for a living?" I asked.

"Of course," He replied, "why else would I choose her?"